take it easy don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.


i completely understand why they say dating at this school is impossible.


it's not the people, it's the hours and hours in the library. i know you live about 2 blocks away, but i mean, see ya on gchat.

can it just be reading week thanks

see ya winter quarter

i can't help but think i'm starting off spring quarter in a good place

now, to nap for all of spring break

i'm 19, which is kind of weird to say. as we did birthday toast last night, my friend (who's all of 20) said he was jealous i was still a teenager - you can get away with anything when you're just a kid.
i've been striving for people to take me seriously ever since i was 13, and i feel like the farther i can distance myself from being 18 the better. at the same time, i'm really looking forward to this last year of getting away with anything.

to being 19, to being a kid, to being reckless, to being dumb, to getting away with it, to SPRING QUARTER (i am so excited), to new year's resolutions, to being in a good place (finally)

yesyesyes

this weekend, i danced for 30 hours straight for this:
www.nudm.org

it was awesome. i am exhausted still.
go team

this weekend when i was looking out on lake michigan from navy pier, i was struck by how exciting it is that my friends are scattered around all different cities now, looking out at their own landmarks and sheepishly shuffling through touristy locations like i am. missing my friends at other colleges is kind of paralleled by how cool it is that they all are having their own shark weeks and their own formals and their own soul-searching fridays and their own 38% Cs. i just have some kind of comfort in knowing that if i end up at the brooklyn bridge, i have people i could call, or if i end up in rittenhouse square, i know a couple places i could hit. even though i'm centrally located here in the midwest, i like the idea of having roots and connections all over the east coast (and elsewhere).

also, spring break is coming up, i am almost 19, i feel like i am settling in very comfortably and at the same time i am terrified that my freshman year is pretty much 2/3 over. i love college.

numb is the new deep
done with the old me
talk is the same cheap it's been
i'm over the analyzing tonight


i have never been so decisive before in my life, and i really hope i'm steering myself in the right direction.
i can't get caught back up in the same pattern i always do. i just need to do college like college is done and embrace the last 3 months of my freshman year. i think i owe it to myself.

it is getting harder and harder to convince myself that i'm a good person.

2008 was the best year of my life, hands down.
i have a feeling they're going to keep getting better.


here's to new years in catonsville, next week in evanston, the BET top 100 countdown today, kicking ass and taking names in the new year.


cheers kids
go 'cats

i think i want to foray into standup comedy (in case this math thing doesn't work out). i think, starting tomorrow, i'll try being funny.
we'll see if it lasts through winter break.

i can't be someone's safety blanket here when i haven't even figured my own shit out.

i would call someone but i feel like people call me just to have their words transmitted somewhere.

i need to fight my own fights. i've always thought i was "fiercely independent" but i think i lied.


i am looking forward to winter break, but i know by january 4th i am going to miss college so much. i'm floundering in 2/4 classes but at least it feels like home. i will chalk it up to first-quarter-learning-experience and hope for better days (in the dead of winter).

forecast for thursday: high of 19, low of 9
but i mean i signed up for it

(it'll be a high of 35 and a low of 28 in baltimore when i get home on friday and i'll be excited to be above freezing)

that is not the news i wanted to hear.

this has been the weirdest week. i never really felt unsafe here until the past 6 days hit.
the guy two doors down from me is missing. as in filed a missing persons report, police knocking on your door, reporters swarming, posters up, just a general unease. i just hope he's alright. they found his jacket and his id and keys, phone, etc on the rocks by the lake, and god that's the last thing you want to hear. you don't want the coast guard searching lake michigan like they were today, it's just bad. so i hope he shows up and decides he just needed a break and everything's alright. it's just weird walking past his door because you're like "shit." i didn't know him well but i mean, i met him, i saw him on the hall, and he seemed sweet and i just want him to turn up alive and alright.

then some girl got attacked on the way to her apartment (also south campus), grabbed from behind, hand over her mouth, but she screamed, he ran away, all is well.

then my friend walks into the lounge all distraught because he saw someone get hit by a car (hard, pedestrian-full speed vehicle impact) on north campus.

then an mmss friend ends up in the hospital for an apparent seizure. he's alright, but i mean, shit. that plus a turbomicro midterm, a 6 page paper on lead, a polisci test, a math285 test, and no sleep just numbers.

i just want to go home for thanksgiving and come back to everything being normal again. what the hell, northwestern.

i was at grant park last night when the results went up, when he made his speech, when we rejected the myth of our generation's apathy, and when we all bonded together and yelled yes we can, yes we did, usa.


i wish it wasn't half and half, i wish everyone felt the way grant park felt last night. i wish everyone had been affected by hope the way chicago was. i never felt unsafe even in that crowd of hundreds of thousands, and i had never felt so proud to be an american.

seeing people cry in joy and relief and seeing people celebrate a political victory like that made me have faith in the system. i am so grateful to have been there for the tides turning, for this to have been my first election, and i can't wait for the next four (eight?) years. i can't help but think it's all going to get better, that we're going to be alright, because we're finally changing our ways.

i can't keep my own secrets to save my life.

things happened this weekend that i wasn't going to tell anyone and i can't even let myself off the hook.



in other news, i miss being treated like a real person on a regular basis. i miss having people around that have known me since 4th grade.

and craiglist
and missed connections (i just read them because the baltimore ones are ridiculous... promise)

http://baltimore.craigslist.org/mis/835048311.html

to save you the trip:
missed connection m4w
Old Country Buffet - on 40 - m4w (Canonsville)

I believe you and your sister were with your Mother for dinner at the Old Country Buffet in Catonsville. Your sister is almost as hot as you are. Your Mom, she is smoking!

If by some chance either sister sees this, hit me back and lets chat.


Location: Canonsville
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests




oh hell yeah ocb catonsville oh hell yeah

 i think trusting my instincts is the best thing to do right now.

it's been a weird week, with my best friend and my boyfriend leaving within a day of each other for college. earlier in the summer, i was so excited to be home until mid sept before NU starts, but i'm starting to feel behind the curve with all my friends either shipping off to college or going back to high school, and i'm just hanging in the balance. it's giving me more time to think it out and get actually excited and ready for college and moving and everything, i guess. 

i feel like a completely different person than i did a couple months ago. i've kind of found myself sorting through feelings i didn't really know i was capable of. completely optimistic though. it's just going to be scary going from seeing the same 3 or 4 people everyday to knowing no one. comes with the territory. it's all nice on ice, alright. 

i've been crying a lot just because i'm in this weird state but i know we're going to be fine. i kind of disregarded all the advice i got about not heading into college with any relationship obligations but whatever. i don't want to end a great thing just in hopes of bumping into a better option.

we're at this weird equilibrium point: 2 months in and 2 months away from this schism. and we're wasting so much time.

in other news, i had a ridiculous crying jag to john mayer (i know) mainly because of "" (and "i don't trust myself with loving you") and late night self-destructive google searches.

despite all the angst written up on here, i promise i'm having a great summer. i'm just apprehensive about september (but really, who isn't).

if you weren't real, i'd make you up
and we'd go everywhere together
i'd make you meals and i'd call you up
we'd never talk about the weather.

i didn't realize how short summer was (this summer especially, hey college) until a period of 10 days felt so significant.

i am still flirting with the idea of love. i just haven't come to any conclusions.
i have september 16th in the back of my mind (and i guess august 28th) pretty much all the time.

this is what i didn't want to happen but i'm so glad it is.


i am still unemployed.

i am flirting with the idea of love.

i like reading articles referring to baltimore as more than "a violent slum" (sup, the wire?) in bigdeal majormagazines.



but then i remember, i'm leaving it in september
whoahoa. good thing i waited until now to turn 18 and go to shows/clubs.


i have 10 days of high school left and 4 do not count. niiiiice.


this summer really should be epic.
i said that last summer, and then i had three days off from work.


...unemployment has its benefits.